Thursday, 24 January 2013

Black Swan Rising

So of course the usual stuff about feeling blessed and loved up and all the rest still holds true,  but today a  stain like gloom is settling in me. Don't know what it is, not depression,   just overtiredness . Mind was in full racing mode all night, I didn't sleep at all, I wrote and today I suffered, felt like my thoughts were not connecting.  I'm not sad, just looking at the world with eyes that aren't smiling.

Loved Black Swan, the film, am loving Nicholas Nassim Taleb's  work on anti fragility, a fine successor to his earlier work the namesake of the film. Can a system be so shocked that it becomes super resilient? Or does excessive force damage it beyond function?

Whilst our communities are  having their hearts ripped  out of them in the call for efficiency and  the lurch towards the Privatisation of the Universe,  we are left with husks of towns, the future feels like a desolate memory. I was   in Stroud today, so many formerly glorious properties standing forlorn and derelict  you can't help but feel sad. People don't understand the idea of custodianship, that to let something go to waste that has value beyond its physical matter feels sacrilegious. We don't care about anything anymore. We  meaning both of us. We grab what we want just to devour the experience and say, there, I had that, but the pleasure is gone.

Words don't matter, I can promise you anything, baby, while my head is on your pillow, come the  soft gray muster of dawn, I'll slip away like mist and the words vanish and lose meaning.

Showing up  some days is enough.

1 comment:

  1. “To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.”

    And "showing up" falls into that category...x


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